Welcome to Mistress Snark’s Tuesday Tea. Afternoon tea is a most civilized British invention – an opportunity to snack with impunity. However, in Mistress Snark’s parlor, you never know what might be floating in your tea or what those cute little sandwiches are hiding under the bread.
As full disclosure, any guest appearing here must sign the usual waivers regarding food poisoning, bodily harm caused by Jezebel, random attacks by minions, or permanent brain damage resulting from the questions posed.
Today’s guest is Greta van der Rol. It’s so nice to have you here today. Would you like some tea? Or perhaps Jezebel’s special punch? I don’t know what’s in it.
Greta: Punch? Did somebody say punch? I love punch. In a mug, please.
Mistress: I see you’re a risk-taker. Jezebel will be pleased. Let me know if you have any ill effects – and please remember you signed a waiver.
Okay, here’s your first question. Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Greta: Ummm. This punch is nice. Very fizzy, though.
Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle? Magic? No, scrub that. I write science fiction, I should be able to come up with some reasonable bullsh… explanation.
I know! Because it’s wet in the bottle and the glue has to dry. Makes sense, really.
Mistress: That does follow a certain logic…uh, you have some fizz dotting your face. No, I think perhaps you’re allergic to the punch. Have one of these cute little sandwiches to soak it up.
Well, hurrying on to your second question. Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?
Greta: Oh, blast. Breaking out, am I? Excuse me <atchoooo>
Oh, am I in a movie? Great. Why wasn’t I told? I suppose it’ll be on TV after the run in the movie theatres finishes. <atchoooo>
What has she put in this stuff? Hair of horse? I’m allergic to horses.
Mistress: Anything’s possible with Jezebel. I’m afraid the hair might be from a hellbeast. You don’t mind growing fangs and claws, do you? Please keep your hands in your lap for the rest of the interview and don’t try to shake hands with the members of my gentle audience. It’s hard to get blood out of the carpet, you know.
Your last question is a scenario. You’re running from a group of zombies in the jungle when you come to a wide river. Hungry crocodiles look up at you, snapping their jaws as they anticipate dinner being served. What will you do next?
Greta: These claws are a bit of a problem, aren’t they? Is there any more punch? I might need a straw, though. I’m having some trouble holding the mug.
Now then.
Zombies and crocodiles. Did you know crocodiles taste a bit like chicken? Didn’t you promise me sandwiches? What is there to eat around here? Crocodileth and zombieth. Mmmmm zommmmbieth.
Tholly. i’th the fangth.
Mistress: *clears throat* Well, that concludes our interview, dear Greta. Can’t have you snacking on the audience. Will someone please lead the hellbea…Greta…into the parking lot? Hail a cab for her, too. Use the company that hires the zombie drivers.
Wave goodbye to our nice guest, gentle audience, and please remain in your seats until she’s left the building.
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Greta van der Rol loves writing fast-paced, action-packed science fiction with a large dollop of good old, healthy romance. Her novel Morgan’s Choice was in the top 100 best sellers for space opera on Amazon for several months. But she writes other genres, too. Her historical novel To Die a Dry Death was awarded the bronze medal for historical fiction in the 2011 eLit Awards and her latest work, Black Tiger, is a paranormal romance. Greta lives not far from the coast in Queensland, Australia and enjoys photography and cooking when she isn’t bent over the computer. She has a degree in history and a background in building information systems, both of which go a long way toward helping her in her writing endeavours.
- http://gretavanderrol.net
- http://twitter.com/GretavdR
- http://www.facebook.com/Author.Greta.vanderRol
Links for books http://gretavanderrol.net/science-fiction/
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Congratulations, Greta! You’ve earned the Tuesday Tea Survivor badge, suitable for your blog or hanging on the bathroom wall. Go ahead and take it with you.
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Mistress Snark wants to see YOU in her parlor. Are you brave enough? Drop her an email at: laura (AT) lauraeno.com and list “Tuesday Tea” in the subject line.
Next week’s guest in the parlor is Ellie Garrett. Be sure to come back and have a spot of tea with her!
Ooooh. A Hellbeast. I have often wanted to be one of those – so much more effective than the psycho bitch from hell I currently channel.
And you can get other audiences anytime, anyplace. Some councils would pay you to take some of their elected members as audience.
Greta, how long did it take before normal service was resumed? Has normals service been resumed?
You know, EC? I haven’t heard back from Greta yet. She could still be prowling for snacks…
Channeling a psycho bitch from hell can’t be all bad. Several interesting possibilities come to mind for that talent.
Everthing’th fine thankth fo athking. Zombieth are tathy
Greta van der Rol’s, “am I in a movie? Great. Why wasn’t I told? I suppose it’ll be on TV after the run in the movie theatres finishes” is priceless. “Tholly,” indeed. I’m glad to meet you, Greta.
Tholly, indeed, Ron. Having Greta turn into a hellbeast was quite the entertainment!
too cute of a post…she is witty, oh yes!
Hi, Tammy! Yes, Greta gave the studio audience quite a scare – I mean, a wonderful time.
Hi Laura and Greta .. that punch knocked you out quickly … sounds very dodgy … in or on … interesting question .. and then the croc sandwiches … are they made of rubber? Jezebel’s tentacles perhaps don’t stretch to the west coast of Australia … so you may be safe before you need another Tuesday Tea – unless it’s addictive .. oooh help … need to think about that one …
Cheers Hilary
Hilary – I suppose if a croc swallowed a croc there could be rubber involved.
As for the punch, I imagine Jezebel has her ways of making it addictive…
Guess she had a reaction to the hellhound! Well, if she’s not on TV yet, she will be soon.
Very true, Alex. No telling what sensational trouble she’s creating!
Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle – LOL! I love that question. Her answer actually makes sense, too.
It does, Diane!
Hey. I write SF. Gotta know a BIT of science.
Jezebel’s punch has a wicked kick. Glad you survived, Greta! Nice to meet you
Waving to Laura! and Jezebel….
Yes, Carol. ALWAYS wave to Jezebel…
Greta– hats off to you for artfully dodging…er…answering all the questions. I’m impressed. Kind of makes you wonder about the intimate workings of Mistress Snark’s mind…. on the other hand….
Greta’s mind works in mysterious ways as well, Julie.
Yes, Greta you did a great job in dodging the pitfalls that Miss Snark lays out for anyone stopping in for tea. Mistress Snark is not to be trusted!
Pitfalls, Michael? Me?
Loved this interview! I admire Greta for braving the waters and agreeing to an interview with Miss Snark
Nutschell
http://www.thewritingnut.com
One never knows how high those waters may swell, Nutschell.
Jezebel’s punch is always interesting. That is a great question of movies v. TV. Hope you survived, Greta.
I know you enjoyed your glass of punch, Mary!
Thankth for having me, Mithreth Thnark. The fangth are thorter than they were. Jezthebel’th punch packth a… punch?
I’m so glad you’re back safe and…partially sound, Greta! Hopefully the fangs will shrink over time. You were an awesome guest!
Now that was fun, Thanks Mistress and Greta. You made me laugh. ? “Why is there punch in the refrigerator and why is it moving?”
Ignore the punch, dear. *waves hand* That’s not the punch you’re looking for…
Fabulous interview. The glue answer does make a certain kind of sense! Or did I get get a sniff of glue and the punch?
That depends, Christine. Did you happen to have a conversation with Jezebel?
HA! Loved this interview! Laughed out loud at Greta’s garbled fangyness at the end. I popped over to Greta’s site and was bowled over by the number of books she has written. The Laura Eno of Australia!!
Hi Cathy! Yes, Greta was fabulous in all her fangyness.
You flatter me too much…but keep on, please!