Welcome to Mistress Snark’s Tuesday Tea. Afternoon tea is a most civilized British invention – an opportunity to snack with impunity. However, in Mistress Snark’s parlor, you never know what might be floating in your tea or what those cute little sandwiches are hiding under the bread.
As full disclosure, any guest appearing here must sign the usual waivers regarding food poisoning, bodily harm caused by Jezebel, random attacks by minions, or permanent brain damage resulting from the questions posed.
Today’s guest is Greta van der Rol. It’s so nice to have you here today. Would you like some tea? Or perhaps Jezebel’s special punch? I don’t know what’s in it.
Greta: Punch? Did somebody say punch? I love punch. In a mug, please.
Mistress: I see you’re a risk-taker. Jezebel will be pleased. Let me know if you have any ill effects – and please remember you signed a waiver.
Okay, here’s your first question. Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Greta: Ummm. This punch is nice. Very fizzy, though.
Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle? Magic? No, scrub that. I write science fiction, I should be able to come up with some reasonable bullsh… explanation.
I know! Because it’s wet in the bottle and the glue has to dry. Makes sense, really.
Mistress: That does follow a certain logic…uh, you have some fizz dotting your face. No, I think perhaps you’re allergic to the punch. Have one of these cute little sandwiches to soak it up.
Well, hurrying on to your second question. Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?
Greta: Oh, blast. Breaking out, am I? Excuse me <atchoooo>
Oh, am I in a movie? Great. Why wasn’t I told? I suppose it’ll be on TV after the run in the movie theatres finishes. <atchoooo>
What has she put in this stuff? Hair of horse? I’m allergic to horses.
Mistress: Anything’s possible with Jezebel. I’m afraid the hair might be from a hellbeast. You don’t mind growing fangs and claws, do you? Please keep your hands in your lap for the rest of the interview and don’t try to shake hands with the members of my gentle audience. It’s hard to get blood out of the carpet, you know.
Your last question is a scenario. You’re running from a group of zombies in the jungle when you come to a wide river. Hungry crocodiles look up at you, snapping their jaws as they anticipate dinner being served. What will you do next?
Greta: These claws are a bit of a problem, aren’t they? Is there any more punch? I might need a straw, though. I’m having some trouble holding the mug.
Zombies and crocodiles. Did you know crocodiles taste a bit like chicken? Didn’t you promise me sandwiches? What is there to eat around here? Crocodileth and zombieth. Mmmmm zommmmbieth.
Tholly. i’th the fangth.
Mistress: *clears throat* Well, that concludes our interview, dear Greta. Can’t have you snacking on the audience. Will someone please lead the hellbea…Greta…into the parking lot? Hail a cab for her, too. Use the company that hires the zombie drivers.
Wave goodbye to our nice guest, gentle audience, and please remain in your seats until she’s left the building.
Greta van der Rol loves writing fast-paced, action-packed science fiction with a large dollop of good old, healthy romance. Her novel Morgan’s Choice was in the top 100 best sellers for space opera on Amazon for several months. But she writes other genres, too. Her historical novel To Die a Dry Death was awarded the bronze medal for historical fiction in the 2011 eLit Awards and her latest work, Black Tiger, is a paranormal romance. Greta lives not far from the coast in Queensland, Australia and enjoys photography and cooking when she isn’t bent over the computer. She has a degree in history and a background in building information systems, both of which go a long way toward helping her in her writing endeavours.
Links for books http://gretavanderrol.net/science-fiction/
Congratulations, Greta! You’ve earned the Tuesday Tea Survivor badge, suitable for your blog or hanging on the bathroom wall. Go ahead and take it with you.
Mistress Snark wants to see YOU in her parlor. Are you brave enough? Drop her an email at: laura (AT) lauraeno.com and list “Tuesday Tea” in the subject line.
Next week’s guest in the parlor is Ellie Garrett. Be sure to come back and have a spot of tea with her!