Welcome to Mistress Snark’s Tuesday Tea. Afternoon tea is a most civilized British invention – an opportunity to snack with impunity. However, in Mistress Snark’s parlor, you never know what might be floating in your tea or what those cute little sandwiches are hiding under the bread.
As full disclosure, any guest appearing here must sign the usual waivers regarding food poisoning, bodily harm caused by Jezebel, random attacks by minions, or permanent brain damage resulting from the questions posed.
Today’s very special guest is Yvonne DeBusschere, otherwise known as Darth Brat. It’s so nice to have you here today. Would you like some tea? Or perhaps Jezebel’s special punch? I don’t know what’s in it.
Yvonne: Considering I know what kind of tea you drink, I’ll take my chances on Jezebel’s punch.
Mistress: Well, aren’t you the bold one? Here, try a sandwich.
Your first question is: What’s the difference between normal ketchup and fancy ketchup?
Yvonne: First off, I’ll pass on the sandwich. I saw Jezebel on the countertop a couple minutes ago. Gross.
Ketchup? You do realize that tomatoes are absolutely vile, don’t you? Therefore, the difference comes down to whether a person is dumb enough to spend more on the fancy ketchup or not. I’ll be the smart one walking away from the ketchup aisle, spending my money on the fancy mustards instead.
Mistress: Uh, oh. Jezebel is turning purple. Gentle audience, you might want to put on the clear raincoats the ushers are passing out.
On to the next question. Why does Pluto live in a dog house, eat dog food, etc., but Goofy, who is also a dog, lives in a condo and drives a car?
Yvonne: Would you mind passing one of those raincoats over here? I’d hate to get stains on my new outfit.
I’m completely stumped on your question. Considering that cats are the superior species, I have no idea why such discrepancies exist between Pluto & Goofy.
Mistress: You like cats. Okay. Consider this final question. You’re at Disneyland, after hours, and locked inside of Cinderella’s Castle. You hear zombies moaning as they’re coming up the stairs. You open the door and there are hundreds of zombie kittehs swarming toward you. What would you do next?
Yvonne: Zombie kittehs? Awwww, how cute! Sadly, I don’t think there’d be enough room in the castle for me and hundreds of zombie kittehs, so I’d have to pull out my trusty squirt bottle and hope for the best.
Mistress: You heard it here first, gentle audience. Always carry a squirt bottle with you. It may save your life one day.
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Yvonne DeBusschere is a frazzled wife, mother of 3 teenagers & 1 pre-teen, and a full-time college student who gets neurotic if her grades drop below 100%. In her spare time (*cough*), she loves to read zombie novels, especially self-published ones; however, she cannot watch a zombie movie, and watches The Walking Dead peeking through fingers. She is often reminded, by both her father and her husband, just how much her attitude and behavior resembles her mother. If you are still here and reading this on this particular website, you just might be able to figure out who “Mother” is. Needless to say, family gatherings can be very…strange…especially since Yvonne personally knows that Jezebel really does refuse to stay out of the punchbowl, and her mother actively encourages the behavior. 
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Congratulations, Yvonne! You’ve earned the Tuesday Tea Survivor badge, suitable for your blog or hanging on the bathroom wall. Go ahead and take it with you.
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Mistress Snark wants to see YOU in her parlor. Are you brave enough? Drop her an email at: laura (AT) lauraeno.com and list “Tuesday Tea” in the subject line.
Next week’s guest in the parlor is Carol Kilgore. Be sure to come back and have a spot of tea with her!
As to Mistress Snark’s second question, might I venture to guess that Pluto is one of us and Goofy is one of the 1%? (How they got where they are, and whether they deserve to be there, I’ll probably never know.) In any event, hello Yvonne. You survived Tuesday Tea!
One of the mysteries of the universe to be sure, Ron.
Yvonne is a true survivor. Of course, I take all the credit for raising her properly.
Survival is of the utmost importance when dealing with my mother.
Thank you, Ron!
Cats rool, OK? And Jezebel is living proof of that, just as the zombie kittehs are the dead proof of that and are undoubtedly are given plenty of brains by their besotted zombie minions. So ,,,, not a problem unless separated from the aforesaid minions.
“…besotted zombie minions.” That truly describes cat owners, EC. We don’t care what condition the cat’s in, we’ll love it anyway!
Cats are definitely better than dogs—or at least I think so!
I’d say Mistress Snark has raised a worthy successor someday. Heh.
Netta – Yvonne might even be able to take on Athena!
Oh no. There’s really only one true Mistress (thank god), so I think I’ll bypass my birthright of succession.
Yvonne has survived the gauntlet with admirable spirit and wisdom. Passing on questionable sandwiches and any thick red substance (condiment…truly?) shows impeccable judgment. Well done, Yvonne.
Yeah, Julie, she was a pain to feed as a child too.
Yeah, yeah. Next she’ll break out the story about me spitting chocolate pudding in her face when I was a kid (there, did it for you, Mom!). I still don’t like chocolate to this day unless it’s mixed with something…and if Jezebel’s been nowhere near it.
Yvonne! You’re the daughter of lovely Laura? How lucky you must feel! What a pleasure to see mom and daughter kibbitzing with the Mistress!
I’m not sure how lucky she feels, Cathy, but she is stuck with me.
Luck definitely has nothing to do with it….although I do consider it my lucky place to constantly remind her she isn’t 18 anymore? LOL!
Ah, we meet the spawn of Laura
Spawn! I love it, Carol. I’m going to start calling her that.
Spawn?! Crap. The “Darth Brat” moniker is already my mother’s fault—where are you going to stick “spawn” into it, Mom?
Darth Spawn…has a certain ring to it.
HA!
Great to meet Yvonne. Is there really fancy ketchup? I should pay more attention.
I think there’s a fancy everything these days, Mary.
Hi Laura and Yvonne – well sure glad you survived Mistress Snark’s sneaky ways … I really don’t like ketchup at the best of times – now not all …
Thank goodness teatime is over for now … I must book the cleaners … plastic mac replacements too ..
Cheers Hilary
Did the mayhem spill over into your teatime, Hilary? Jezebel can really make a mess.